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7 Essential Core Skills
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2) Supporting:

Providing a sense of safety to client through questioning, listening, celebrating, expression affirmations of belief in and trust in the client, through managing environment, and the conversation.

 

5   At level of "person"

Stating one's own concerns and emotions of support with a client, expressing a willingness to invest in the other's well-being and resourcefulness in support of the client's outcomes and agendas, "I'm here for you," "Use the coaching call between sessions when you need to."

 

4   Invite client to apply own resources

Responding to client's emotion with one's own that pace, respectfully exploring, inviting the client to access and apply own resources to situation, offering statements of affirmation that conveys belief in the person's potentials, celebrating and cheer-leading client's successes, pacing meta-programs, meta-states, concepts, and values.

 

3   Actively Present, asking about emotions

Actively and intently listening, asking about emotions, investing energy into conversation and managing the environment so that it enables client to stay focused, summarizing, offering some physical response such as putting hand on shoulder, "That must have been challenging."   Matching & Mirroring: pacing posture, breath, gesture, etc.  Words, sounds that encourage to continue: "yes, and then?"  "Hmmm," "ahhhh!"

 

2   Only partial match and mirroring

Partially matching client's words, posture, breathing, etc.,  listening for facts, details, ideas, failure to fully match output of other's gestures and non-verbal expressions.

 

1   Fiddling

Listening with no or little eye-contact, fiddling with other things, failing to follow up statements expressing emotion, seemingly preoccupied with other things.  Little or no attention to context and atmosphere to deal with noises, distractions, etc.

 

0   Impatience

Indicates of little interest: failing to track the content, repeatedly asking "What did you just say?", firing off questions without time to respond.  Interrupting.  Making statements of judgment, evaluation, blame and interpretations.

 

3) Questioning:

Asking a person to turn reflect inwardly to respond with ideas, answers, resources, and solutions, inquiring about the client's world of ideas, beliefs, frames, goals, etc.

 

5   Creating Movement

Asking that frames and explores structure, that challenges in a personal and intimate way, that creates forward movement, that the client evaluates as getting to the heart of things.

 

4   Inviting Higher Awareness

Asking that invites awareness and meta-awareness, that puts client at a choice, that produces energy for finding solutions, inviting client to be solution-focused, collaborative, and playful.

 

3   Open Ended Questions

Asking that invites a search without a prescribed end, asking for information in an open-ended way so there's no wrong answer ("How do you best like to relax?"), to elicit relevant and pertinent answers, that shifts attention to what's productive for moving toward outcome.

 

2    Leading Questions

Asking questions that lead to prescribe answer ("Don't you want to handle this situation using X ?") so that client either feels controlled and dominated in the conversation, or begins resisting the question and not playing the conversation coaching game.

 

1   Closed Questions

Asking closed-ended questions, rhetorical questions, and "nosy" questions about irrelevant details and content.

 

0    Telling and Advice-Giving

Telling, storytelling, and giving of personal judgments, no questioning.

 

4) Meta-Questioning:

Asking question about previous questions, asking about one's mind-body states and about higher level states of awareness.  Meta-Questioning invites a client to explore higher frames of mind, that is, thoughts and feelings about thoughts and feelings.

 

5   FBI-Frame By Implication

Asking richly layered frame by implication (FBI) questions (loaded with lots of presuppositions) which facilitate a paradigm shift for client.  Using language patterns that have layers of phrases that presuppose the client's values, outcomes, best dreams and which elicit the most relevant states, "How surprised will you be this next week when you find yourself using this new frame so that you stay comfortable and yet excited as you make that presentation, just how much will that fit into your primary goal, and how much will that enrich your sense of self?"  FBI questions have significant effect.

 

4   Complex Meta-Questions with significant effect

Asking complex  meta-questions relevant to KPI with significant effect for the client.  "What does it mean now that you have made this decision; how will that affect your sense of self from now on?"

 

3   Simple Meta-Questions

Asking 10 or more (per 30 minute session) of simple meta-questions; delivered in matter-of-fact manner, directly and congruently, client responds with some effect.

 

2   6 or less Meta-Questions

Asking simple meta-questions that may be delivered with hesitation, without congruence, too quickly, etc. so client is confused.  "What do you feel about that?"    "About what? What are you talking about?"

 

1   Non-relevant

Asking meta-questions that do not have anything to do with the client's outcomes "What do you believe about dogs?"

 

0   Primary Level

Asking only primary state questions, or failing to ask questions at all, asking only questions about objects "out there."

 

5) Inducing States

To say words, use metaphors, tell stories in such a way that invites another to recall or imagine a mind-body-emotional experience.  To use voice and gestures in such a way that a client begins to think-and-feel as if in that way of thinking and feeling.

 

5   Amplification

Asking client to amplify the state and to fully experience it in breathing, walking, moving, gesturing, speaking, etc.  Teasing and testing to see how much of the state the client is experiencing.  Amplifying it and anchoring the state for further use.

 

4   Leading

Speaking in metaphors, stories, using indirect methods to induce the state to layer multiple suggestions for the state.  Asking client to be with the emotions of the state and to manifest them more fully in the body.  Using a menu list of suggestive experiences that are likely to elicit the state.

 

3   Going First and Pacing

Speaking with a voice and using words that suggest and invite the desired state.  Going into the state first and using it to invite the client into it, expressing it in one's voice, gesture, face, breathing, etc.

 

2    Some Matching and Mirroring

Asking about the state, suggesting it.   Some matching and mirroring to pace the person's current state and then mentioning the desired state.

 

1   Facts without Pacing, Different state to Client

Mentioning state with a monotone, or with a tone of voice that does not correspond to desired state.  The coach not in the state, or in a different state (i.e., impatient when wanting to evoke patience, tired and fatigued when evoking motivation).  Perhaps mentioning the state and demanding the client experience it.  "Don't feel afraid, feel courage."

 

0    Ignoring State, Incongruence

No mention of one's state, let alone of the desired state, monotone use of voice, no use of tone, tempo, or story that corresponds to the state or outcome of the client.

 

6) Giving Feedback:

Saying words with the support of gestures, movements, voice tone, etc. that both provides support and a mirroring back to the client of a specific behavior that leads to an improvement in performance, state, belief, etc.

 

5    Measured Steps

The information is delivered with measured steps for improvement, offered in a tentative way so the client can reflect on it, given in a way that invites responsibility, and that even excites the client to make even more positive changes.

 

4    Individualized and Balanced

Giving the sensory-based information in a way that the client evaluates as respectful, given in slow (patient), measured, and calm way.  Information is individualized to the person, precise to his or her situation, balanced with support, and in a way that opens up new possibilities for the client.

 

3    Specific and Sensory Based

Giving specific information that is see-hear-feel so the client can easily recognize and acknowledge it, giving it by pacing client's experience, giving information that's factual, concise, succinct, relevant, and useable for moving on toward objectives.

 

2   Convoluted

Giving convoluted and/or vague feedback that is not sensory based in description, using one's own values and criteria about the behavior rather than the client's criteria.  "I think you ought to really stop thinking being egocentric about that job, and develop your skills."

 

1    Negative

Giving feedback quickly without much thought (impatiently), without much consider about the state it would induce the client into, criticizing, blaming, arguing, telling, making the information personal, rather than about behavior.  "You're just not very good at this, are you?"

 

0    Withholding

Withholding any response from the client, judging the client or his or her behaviors

 

7) Receiving Feedback:

Hearing and asking about information that mirrors back how a response came across, taking that in, reflecting upon it, asking more questions about it, integrating what one finds useful in order to improve performance toward a desired outcome.

 

5    Celebrating and Implementing

Actively seeking and making comments of appreciation about the information, celebrating the information as useful for improvement, recognizing how the sensory information suggests patterns that call for implementing a change in some behavior, making plans for integrating it and enhancing one's performance.

 

4    Questioning and Clarifying

Questioning the information by seeking clarification, asking for more details and precision about when, where, how, etc., reflecting upon the information and making statements about how it fits or doesn't fit.  Client in a state of interest, curiosity, etc.

 

3    Acceptance and Exploration

Accepting the information by acknowledging it and exploring it, "Yes I remember doing that.  What did that mean to you?"  "How did that affect him?"  Some exploration and clarification, but client generally in a neutral state or a slightly negative one with low levels of anger, fear, stress, etc.

 

2    Silent

Silent listening to feedback, seemingly pondering some of it, but asking no questions, not exploring  its meaning, asking for clarification.

 

1   Negative

Responding to the information in a negative emotional state (anger, fear, stress, frustration, etc.) so that client in a reactive and defensive state, saying things that immediately defend against the information, arguing, deflecting, discounting, and disagreeing with vigor.

 

0    Disengaged

Disengaged to the information, refusing to listen, walking away, avoiding it and not dealing with it.

 



 
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